The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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