i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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