Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
