I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
