my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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