I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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