She announced her abortion via fbk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
