he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
