We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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