3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
