We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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