Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
