There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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