And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
