I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
