Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
