Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
