why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just puked most of my soul out..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
