they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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