How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
