Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
