His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
