Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
