I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
50% drunk capacity currently
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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