Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
