Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this boner is exhausting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
