Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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