I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
