so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
