You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize