Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
