It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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