I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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