Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
