Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
