My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
