How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i drank out of a bidet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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