I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
