I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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