she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
