Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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