last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
