She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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