I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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