great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
