I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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