Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
