I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
