you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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