I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
