if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
