Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
