I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
