I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
