I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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