Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
