Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The ass gains better be worth it
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