i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
