He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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