There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
