I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
