Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
