hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
