chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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