you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
