Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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