cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
