Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
