Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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