Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
