i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
