So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
